Someone I used to know always had something bad to say about my hair. I needed a haircut, should color it or style it differently. I never took her advice seriously, partly because her hair looked so terrible, but also because I get compliments on my hair from other people and she’s the only person with something negative to say.

Advice from somebody who has great style, especially when you’ve asked for it, can be helpful. Nasty, sniping advice that’s unasked for, well, it’s just not in your best interest to pay attention to that.

I was one of those teenagers who really suffered because my family couldn’t afford to dress me like the other kids at school. I wasn’t picked on because of it, I just felt uncomfortable every single day. I wish I’d known that there was an alternative so inexpensive that even I, a kid with just a teeny bit of my own money, could have afforded it.  

Now I jump at the chance to speak to groups of teenagers about how they can find wonderful clothing at thrift stores. The kids never have much to say. Some of them are grossed out by the whole idea. But I’m sure that some stay quiet because they don’t want the other students to know that they wear used clothing.  

I’ll keep giving these talks because I understand how valuable it is to know that you can dress well even when your finances are tight. I also keep hoping that some of the kids will learn that donating is a much better alternative than tossing still-good clothing into the trash.

I grew up in sunny southern California and always wanted to look like the typical California girl—long straight blond hair, tall, tan. Too bad that I was born with dark curly hair, pale skin and only grew to be just over five feet tall. I never gave any thought to bleaching my hair or getting on any stretching machines, but I did spend an awful lot of time trying to change the color of my skin. I guess I was successful, if you think sun damage passes as something attractive.

It wasn’t until I was grown up that I understood that style is about trying to look your best, not trying to look like everybody else. My style suggestion for the day is to figure out what looking your best means. Re-working the lyrics of an ancient song, you’ve got to accentuate the positive and conceal the negative. We all have good and not-so-good aspects to our physical selves, and it’s ok to show the good and hide the rest. But you first have to know which is which. If you don’t have a clue, get in front of the mirror and ask these questions: What is it about me that looks nice? What would I rather hide? Remember to be kind to yourself while you’re looking. Do not compare yourself to the extraordinarily tall, skinny, young people on TV and in magazines who have the benefit of stylists, makeup artists, hairdressers and airbrushing. If this is really, really hard for you, you can also ask a loved one whom you trust to help.   

Back when I was a teenager, I didn’t understand that the idealized image of the California girl isn’t the only kind of attractiveness that there is. It would have been both healthier and a better use of my time to get to know my own strengths rather than trying to look like something that was impossible for me.

I enjoy subscribing to Bazaar (a women’s fashion magazine) especially since it costs only $10.00 to have twelve issues delivered to my doorstep. All those pretty pictures give me new ideas about what shapes and different combinations of colors and fabrics might be flattering to me.  

When Bazaar arrived last month, my first thought, before cracking it open, was, “I’ll bet they’re going to tell me that the gigantic, trendy, tote-like handbags that they have been pushing for the last few years (the ones that can cost thousands of dollars) are now OUT of fashion and should be replaced by a little clutch purse. My theory was based on the fact that the oversized bags are both unwieldy and extreme in terms of style and that I’ve seen little clutch purses show up whenever I read about fashion lately. I turned to the last page of the magazine, which is where they have a synopsis of what’s IN and what’s OUT, and sure enough, it stated that little embellished clutches are IN and oversize totes are OUT.  

The fashion magazines are constantly trying to dictate what we all should be wearing. Of course they are. They stand to profit if we buy what they tell us to. What confuses me is why anybody listens to them rather than developing his or her own sense of style.  

Fashion is dictated while style has to do with knowing what looks good on you and sticking with it, even if it’s not trendy. Style is much more daring than fashion because it’s about finding your own path instead of listening to what other people tell you to wear. 

Even though the dictatorial trendiness of Bazaar as well as other fashion magazines annoys me, they do provide me with some new ideas about clothing. I then approach yard sales and thrift stores with those ideas, which I translate into my own style.

Although I tend to think of used clothing as something that’s great for those of us who don’t have loads of cash, on my visit to Connecticut where I found the pair of Ferragamos, which I’ve written about in the last 2 entries, I noticed an unusually large number of consignment shops. They were all in wealthy suburban areas, close to New York City, and I wondered why people who live in such lavish homes are selling their used clothing. And do the people in those lavish houses also buy from the consignment shops? 

I don’t have any satisfying answers here.  One friend suggested that women who don’t have jobs but who do have lots of expensive stuff might need to sell off some of their $1,000 purses and $2,000 dresses just to have cash for themselves. That made some sense, but it doesn’t explain the sheer number of consignment stores. Anyone out there want to enlighten me?

I conjured up a pair of beautiful, Italian, buttery Salvatore Ferragamo boots the other day. I imagined myself finding ankle boots, in brown or cordovan leather with some interesting design detailing. My friend and I were nosing around consignment stores when I saw the Ferragamos, in my oddball, skinny foot size. They were on the ½ off shelf. With some new heels, they’ll last me for years. My Internet search tells me that they would run around $1,000 new. My price was $25.00. I’m generally bigger on the rock bottom, cheapest of the cheap thrift stores than I am on consignment shops, because the consignments usually charge much more. But a $1,000 pair of boots for $25 is a fantastic price by any measure. So hooray for the consignments! 

I’m back to New York City this weekend, and will make a point of visiting a few of the really expensive department stores. I do this once or twice a year. While I’m strolling through Bergdorf’s, I have a peek at the inside of the some of the wonderful designer clothing to see how the seams are finished. I also check out how the fabric feels and I try to pinpoint what little details make the pieces more interesting than what I’d find at the less pricey stores. My purpose in snooping is to educate myself so that when I’m rooting around the piles at my favorite secondhand haunts, I can recognize quality. Even though I started making clothing way back in junior high school, a periodic visit to the high-end stores keeps me up on new fabric, construction technology and styles so that I can examine any potential bargains with a discerning eye.

The ads I’ve seen for the women’s clothing chain called White House/Black Market have confused me, so when I was recently in New York City and walked by one of their stores, I decided to pause and have a look. Amazing! The idea is that since all of the clothing is either black, white or a mix of the two, it all goes together. That makes buying and coordinating a wardrobe simple. Really, really clever marketing, I think, because putting together a women’s wardrobe is so complicated. Many people just hate doing it.  

I guess it would be possible to put together a secondhand wardrobe out of just two colors—has anybody out there done this, and if so, how did it work for you?