Get out the Arsenic

My husband and I have religiously put money away for college for our two kids. We started when they were babies and in recent years, our children have also contributed a percentage of their earnings from their part-time jobs. The reason we’ve had extra money to put away is because we’re frugal in general. Buying and wearing used clothing instead of new clothing is one of the ways we’ve kept our expenses down and our savings up.

It’s too bad that the cost of going to college has increased at such a shameful rate while we’ve been putting money away.  Our stockpile of college savings is now actually an anthill compared to the Mount Everest that our children need to get themselves through four or six years of college. Necessity has forced me to create a new plan. It’s so simple that I’m surprised that the college catalogues don’t suggest it. Here it is– my husband and I will sell all of our possessions including our home. For our kids, and of course, their colleges, to get the full benefit of our finances, my husband and I will also have to eliminate any need that we might have now or in the future. We’ll do that by eating enough arsenic to kill ourselves. That’s right, you read it here first; it’s the ultimate parental sacrifice. The kids might miss us, and we’ll miss out on grandkids and anything else that the future might hold, but at least the colleges will be happy, and what else matters?

Disclaimer: This is supposed to be a humorous entry. I do not intend to eat arsenic, nor does my husband. Nobody should eat arsenic. Instead they should stay well and explain to the financial aid people at the colleges of their choice that the tuition and fees are ridiculous. They should then demand more support for students and families.